Hi! I’m Keris. I’m an author writing about writing and books and music and life, and the last song I listened to was All the Same by Maggie Rogers, but it was two days ago while I was making dinner. I need to listen to music more.
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Where we’ve moved to is closer to this part of the prom and beach and I walked there on both Saturday (with the boys) and Sunday (on my own). It was bloody freezing and windy af both days, but gorgeous. I stopped and searched up this photo of me, my sister and Mum there in the 70s.
Years ago, when I first thought about moving home, I thought it would be too sad, that I’d feel my parents everywhere and think too much about what I’ve lost. When we moved back two years ago, that didn’t really happen - I think maybe because we lived on the other side of town, an area I didn’t really know. I mostly couldn’t picture them - or little me - there.
And then I was looking at my mum’s diary from the early sixties and read a bunch of references to drinking in The Ferry pub, with my dad, my aunt and uncle, my nan and grandad. That was the pub at the end of our road.
And then this from my dad in a letter to a friend when my parents were living in Canada:
The Baseball season has started so we’re on a touch of the “STEE-RIKE” and “PLAY BALL”, remember that great time we had with our baseball team on the shore at Egremont? We had those great players “FLASH FLYNN” “SMITH THE SLIDER” “BABE BENNETT” “MISS’EM McLEOD” and other well known greats.
But the new flat is five minutes from the house I grew up in. When the 19yo and I walk to the cinema, we pass the sites of my middle school, sixth form, lower school (all demolished). We pass the park where my mum’s purse was stolen out of her bag while she pushed me on the swings (my first bad money memory). We pass the site of the club Mum and Dad went to every Saturday night with friends while my sister and I stayed at our grandparents’ house.
I feel them everywhere. I was almost home one day, walking up a road we drove up often during the first 18 years of my life and I suddenly had the weird sensation that I might see them. Mum and Dad. That I’m expecting to find them here.
And then I thought that was a good idea for a book. And then I realised it’s already been written and turned into a film.
A friend posted on Instagram the other day that she’s just had her first big bereavement. “I don’t understand how this works,” she wrote. “Am I just going to be sad for the rest of my life?” I didn’t tell her: Yes. (Sorry)
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Still filling the well and waiting to hear back from various publishing people.
Currently reading five books. Spring Cannot be Cancelled: David Hockney in Normandy as recommended by the amazing Katy Wheatley and Experienced by Kate Young. But they’re both physical books (which I hardly ever read) so I also needed to read something on my phone. So I started Abi Morgan’s This Is Not a Pity Memoir, but then realised it was a bit dark for reading before bed, so I also started the new Hilary McKay, Rosa by Starlight. (Have you read any Hilary McKay? She writes the most gorgeous children’s books. The Casson family series is perfect.) Then I remembered that I have book club next week, so I need to read that one too (The Lost Apothecary by Sarah Penner). And you know what I haven’t read? Dead Frog Lane. But I’m going to do that today. Probably.
(Oh and I’m still doing the War and Peace slow read too. We’re a third of the way through. Which means we’re a third of the way through the year. Which is NOT COOL.)
I also read and adored this from Daisy Buchanan:
I’m obviously watching the latest season, but I also just started rewatching Season 13 (because we watched when we first moved house in 2022 and the wifi wasn’t reliable and I don’t think my head was totally in the game).
Last night I watched Tig Notaro’s new standup special on Prime and I laughed a lot.
Tonight I’m going to watch the Idina Menzel documentary on Disney+ (as recommended by the glorious Lisa Lister. And then tomorrow night I’m going to not-a-cinema to see a totally iconic film from 1997. Any guesses?
A Life Less Ordinary? And sending hugs - those daily reminders are so painful and beautiful.
Did you watch All of Us Strangers? I don’t often cry, never mind in public, but I saw it in the cinema with some friends not long after two of us both lost a parent and it was only going to go one way. But it’s a beautiful film, still! I don’t think there was a dry in the house regardless of whether anybody lost a parent or not.